Is this elementary school?

My daughter came home from school the other day and said "Mom, why do people have to create so much drama? Don't they have a life?" I never thought that as a grown women I would be asking myself that same question about a group of people that I thought was supposed to be a support system. Instead it's like a bad day at elementary school!!

We have been going through an emotional nightmare, and have been put under such a microscope by people who don't know us and don't know anything about us, yet they seem to think they have the right to judge us, question us, and start rumors about us. Please stop! If you have a question about us, our fundraising or our ability to care for Olga once she is home ask US, not someone we don't even know. I'm not setting out to hurt any ones feelings or offend anyone but there are some things that need to be said and set straight.

First, for those who are running around behind the scenes like little spies grasping at any sign of weakness and spreading it like wildfire. STOP!! For those blog hopping questioning us and judging us for fundraising Who are you to judge us? Especially based of a little blog post that only has just a small amount of information to share. You don't see the whole picture, only what we show you.

Second, for those who are going to blog owners and questioning our financial position and ability to care for Olga. Who the heck do you think you are? First of all you're going to people that I don't even know, who don't know me. That shows me first of all that you're just starting trouble. Otherwise you'd go to people who do know us, or better yet to us. Someone or people out there are going around telling people we are "financially ruined" and that our adoption will never materialize and are consulting people as to whether or not they should donate to our adoption. Why would they do that you ask... apparently because we ask for donations to our chipin and not to the RR site. Funny that we are the only ones being judged for this when so many ask for it to go to the chipin.

SO for all those out there who are to scared to come to me directly and ask us about our financial situation I'll go ahead and give you a little insight.

1. We have paid our homestudy, placement fee, RR fees, document fees, passports and notary fees all out of pocket. Yet there are families who can't even do that and are fundraising via chipin to raise the money to do those things. I have never heard anyone question them before.

2. When we first started we asked for donations to go to our FSP. And then when we realized we would need help with the upfront fees of the current agency we were with which are $22,000 (7,000 & 15,500) we asked Andrea if we could use our FSP which has over $6500 in in to pay that first fee, it was then we were told NO, we couldn't touch those until we have a travel date and we couldn't get a travel date until we paid the fees. It was then we started asking for donations to go to our chipin. Our family & friends also gave to that FSP which is there to help us bring Olga home, yet we can't touch it to bring her home. So a friend told me about the chipin and we started using it. And for those who won't give to a chipin because it's not tax deductible, check your own heart for why you're giving in the first place instead of judging mine.

3. Someone asked another blog owner about us "realistically" bringing Olga home. Did we understand the costs involved once she was home, could we really care for her when she was here. (Again, a question you think would have been directed to us).

Our answer YES!!! We wouldn't have committed to her if we wouldn't have been able to. We talked to other families who have brought children home and talked about the costs. We checked deeper into our medical insurance to make sure it was good & we even up'd our coverage just for her. We talked to our pediatrician about Olga and the costs involved in her care. We have had both our youngest daughters in special ed at the school, we talked to them and have it set up for when she is home to start with the services there. Our foster children have a therapist that comes out to the house on a regular basis. We've talked to her and gathered the information needed, including costs! for her or another therapist to come out to the house for Olga. We didn't take this on lightly! When our social worker did our homestudy, she too dug into our finances to make sure we could afford another child, including making sure we could afford the at home after care, and the home visits she would need to make. She scrutinized every little thing, and then in the end said we could care for 2 other children financially. The state of Washington feels we can take care of other children as well. Right now we are caring for 5 children when Olga gets home we will be caring for 4 as our foster children leave. Someone said "without foster care money can you afford it". Apparently they've never done foster care. The money is not even worth cashing the check each month. What they "reimburse" us is nowhere near what it costs to care for the children. Chris works at the local army base as a structural repair mechanic. He fixes the body structure of the blackhawk & chinook helicopters for the army. He makes darn good money. Enough for

us to get approved for 2 extra children on his income alone!

I have never heard of another family being judged so severely. All because we have sweet friends who blast blogland/facebook with our need. It gets it out there and spread all over. And because of that people call us needy and financially ruined. I'd like to know how many of you have sat with us when we are going over the bills & checking account? We live a modest life, in a modest house. Our kids are happy, healthy, clean, clothed, and fed. We take care of someone elses kids on top of our own and they are well cared for as well. And for those who have made the comment "will they be able to survive after the foster care money is gone". YES!! Maybe more so. The amount they give us to reimburse us each month is laughable. It is nowhere near enough to care for these kids and yet we still manage. Our lights and water are still on, still have a house over our head.

There are so many fundraising for people to get them fully funded and I've never heard anyone question them. I've seen families who have done their whole adoption by fundraising and yes to chipins and never get questioned. So why us?? Why do so many want to attack us and stop our adoption. We have said many times once we had the rest of what we needed to get our dossier submitted (about $3000 for everything including apostilles for new agency) we would want all donations after that to go to our FSP for our second trip.

We have had numerous emails stating "my friend would love to adopt Olga, if you ever have to stop the adoption let me know." and emails that such and such family member thinks of Olga as their daughter. We know from the agency that after we signed our contract 3 other families inquired about Olga. Someone else wanting her is the only thing I can come up with as to why people would start the rumors & doubt they have. We have been scrutinized by our state, our social worker, and USCIS once they go through our stuff it is them and R****a once they get our paperwork who judge if we are financially able to care for another child. When did God make so many other judges out there?

We've asked for help to get the money to switch agencies you all were wonderful and helped us get it. We started the process and were threatened with her calling 3 other families that night to see if they were interested in adopting her. We NEVER said we were stopping our adoption, we said we wanted to know the procedure to end our contract so we could go with another agency. An agency who said that our adoption costs would be around $25000 instead of over $38,000. That last $3000 we need to come up with (which we are working on and planning a big local fundraiser) is what we need to get to her. So much faster than $22,000. We have had at least 3 other families who are using the same agency we started with who have said the cost is outrageous, the fees were a shock, and they would have switched agencies if they weren't so far in the process. One family using the same agency had to pull their commitment to their child because of the cost being so high. So we are NOT the only ones struggling, yet we seem to be the ones everyone is attacking. Please explain why to me?

What did we do that was so bad or wrong to make grown adults run around like elementary children? Reading our blog and facebook posts and running back to others like tattle tales starting trouble? And the rumors about our finances?? Seriously the people who are listening and believing them are just as wrong as those starting them. There is not one of you out there who has asked us about our finances, yet it's making the blog rounds. What about all the others who are drowning and begging for funds? They are funding their whole adoption too. All we have asked for is like a total of $10,000 including the $3000 we still need. $6000 of that sits in our FSP. There are many who have asked for much much more and people freely hand it over to them. Why? Is it because we talk about sacrificing and giving up things to save money? If we lived our normal lives of going out to eat, going on big vacations, buying new stuff would you then think we were financially okay? or would you then judge us for not saving enough. It's a no win situation. We feel if we are asking for people to donate their own hard earned money we too should be saving. So we cut back on the things that are not a need. Not because we have to financially, but because we feel like we should. We have donated to so many other families, and will continue to try to help as many families as we can. But we're not giving up on Olga.

We're NOT giving up on Olga!!!! We will keep pushing through with God on our side. If you don't like us, don't agree with us, don't think we financially can afford another child that's your right to have those feelings, don't donate. But at least have the guts to ask us yourselves and not go around spreading rumors causing trouble. If you feel like donating please do, if you don't want to donate to our chipin, don't, if you'd rather donate to our FSP please do. We can use those fees for our trips in country. Our chip in is to get us what we need to submit our dossier and get apostilles, fed ex shipping so we can take that first trip.

I'd like to ask each person reading this to check their own hearts and motives before judging us or starting rumors about us. We know whats involved in caring for Olga or any special needs child for that matter once they are home. We've looked into it, made arrangements, and planned for it. We don't' plan on getting her home and then begging for money to care for her. We will care for her just as we do our daughters & foster children now. And if you have a question or a problem with us please, please, please come to us directly.

We want to thank everyone who has helped us, and supported us with monetary donations as well as prayer and encouragement. It's your pure motives that keep us going.

Hugs & Prayers
Chris & Jenn

Source: http://savingourstarfish.blogspot.com/2011/06/is-this-elementary-school.html

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